麻烦哪位高手把下面这句话翻译成英语，谢谢

"Miss you, but not to tell you because I know that you and my world is unreachable This distance, I can't You have in your life, I have my path, the fate of the accident, only a short while beautiful met"

Matthew: Without you, I'm as lonely as an abandoned dog on the side of a highway I have gift anxiety, even through I don't know when your birthday is We can spend perfect days shopping and cleaning together I swear, I'll never make wisecracks when you scrape your tires against the curb while parallel parking If you consent to live with me, I'll clean the toilet every week I'll do it with my tongue if you ask I will strike the words "hooters" and "love rockets" from my vocabulary I'll love you Even if your name is Mimi and you want me to pronounce it "May May" I will only pass gas underneath the covers and under the direst of circumstances Hell, I'll go on a low cholesterol diet And I won't buy one of those red sports cars when I hit my mid-life crisis Your parents can come visit us every week, even if your mom is a witch with a capital B And your folks don't have to go to a retirement home because they can come live with us I declare, I'll separate the whites from the colors and learn the mysteries of hot and cold water washes I'll never huff and puff while waiting for you to put on my makeup If you're a cat person, I'll never point out the fact that a dog can save your life from drowning, but a cat can't I will happily go see chick flicks with you, like "Pride and Prejudice" I'll make a point to trying new food like okra gumbo I won't curl my nose at vegetables whose awful taste is disguised by having cheese on it I pledge to always say "yes" when you ask, "Is my hair looking okay tonight" I'm gonna bring a whole new meaning to the word "cuddle" I'll be thoughtful enough to read your horoscope every day I'm gonna save every birthday card you send me! And I'll actually write you real letters when we're apart I'm never gonna expect you to know where I left my car keys, and I'll never leave my socks on the floor With me, you'll find the cap is always on the toothpaste I'll start wearing those bikini style underwear if you like My belly button will always be lint free I want to full-on kiss your clitoris It will be the most passionate, intimate experience you've ever had I declare now, I will give my life for you And if you fail to come to me, I know some part of me will surely die

Rod: Man, keep it easy, and if she's easy, take her twice

Rod: As they say, she's nice from a far, but far from nice

Matthew: Men have this anti-intimacy force field around them It is powered by sarcasm, humor, and aversion

Matthew: Isn't American cheese appropriately named It's fake and processed, just like America

Matthew: It was if I was a perverted Prince Charming Instead of possessing Cinderella's glass slippers, I had her panties

Matthew: And on of them is my true love, my forever soul mate, the Betty to my Barney, my kismetic destiny The problem is I don't know who she is

Matthew: It must have been the cloak of darkness concealing my usual romantic retardation, because that night, I was smart I was funny I was invincible

Matthew: I think the only 'ists' there should be are humanists

Patty: In High School, you would have called me a slut Now, in College, you call me a good time

Patty: There's a certain way a man stares at a woman he loves The man looks like a boy on his birthday And he treats the woman as if she were a gift that he's wanted so long to open and now he can't wait to see what the treasure is inside

Matthew: There are no clearly defined rules between men and women So, each side thinks they're playing fair and each side thinks they're being cheated Maybe, this is why men and women have the innate ability to bring out the poison in one another

Matthew: I've seen you around You're a natural born hipster

Crick: Natural born hipster

Matthew: Yeah The next evolution of a jock You traded in your letterman jacket for a manicured goatee and a Eurotrash ponytail You're the worst kind of cool You're the kind of guy who wears male make-up A real fashion plate You're proof that those boy-toy doofuses in those men's magazines are all rump rangers