一分钟英语幽默笑话小故事

第一则：心目中的英雄Personal Hero Our granddaughter's second-grade class was asked to write about their personal heroes Her father was flattered to find out that she had chosen him "Why did you pick me" he asked "Because I couldn't spell Arnold Schwarzenegger," she said 我们的孙女儿读二年级，老师要求班上的同学写他们心目中的英雄。她的爸爸发现她选择了他，真是受宠若惊。“你为什么选我呢？”他问。 “因为我不会拼阿诺得施瓦辛格(Arnold Schwarzenegger)，“她说。 第二则：一个数学问题A Problem in Arithmetic Bill is a good student and an intelligent boy He likes to study arithmetic, and he can do all of the arithmetic problems in his book easily One day on his way to school Bill passed a fruit store There was a sign in the window which said, "Apple-Six for five cents" An idea came to Bill and he went into the store "How much are the apples" he asked the store "Six for five cents" "But I don't want six apples" "How many apples do you want" "It is not a question of how many apples I want It is a problem in arithmetic" "What do you mean by a problem in arithmetic" asked the man "Well, if six apples are wroth five cents, then five apples are worth four cents, four apples are worth three cents, three apples are worth rwo cents, o apples are worth one cent and one apple is worth nothing I only want one apple, and if one apple is worth nothing then it is not necessary for me to pay you" Bill picked out a good apple, began to eat it, and walked happily out of the store The man looked at the young boy with such surprise that he could not say a word 比尔是一个好学生，也是个聪明的孩子。他喜欢学数学，课本上所有的数学问题他都能不费劲地解答。 有一天，在上学路上，比尔经过一家水果店。该店窗户上有个招牌上写着：“苹果--五美分六个。”比尔脑筋一转，进了店门。 “苹果怎么卖？” “五美分六个。” “但我不想要六个。” “你想要几个？” “这不是我想要几个的问题。这是个数学问题。” “数学问题？你说这话是什么意思？” “你看，如果六个苹果五美分，那么五个苹果四美分，四个苹果三美分，三个苹果二美分，二个苹果一美分，一个苹果就不要钱。我只要一个苹果，如果一个苹果一分钱也不要的话，那我也就没必要给你钱了。” 比尔拣了一个好苹果，开始吃了起来，然后兴高采烈地迈出了店门。那个售货员吃惊地望着这个小男孩，一句话也说不出来。　1你让我滚，我滚了。你让我回来，对不起，滚远了　2 流氓不可怕，就怕流氓有文化……　3 走牛B的路，让傻B去说吧！　4 开车无难事，只怕有新人！　6 矿难在检讨中继续，楼价在控制中上升！　7 XP不发威，你当我是DOS啊！　8 英雄不问出路，流氓不看岁数！　9 好好活着，因为我们会死很久!!!　10 人又不聪明，还学人家秃顶！！　11 没什么事不要找我，有事更不用找我　12 宁和明白人打一架，不跟 说句话　13 再牛b的肖邦，也弹不出老子的悲伤！　14 只要锄头舞的好，那有墙角挖不倒？　15 连广告也信，读书读傻了吧！　16 要在江湖混，最好是光棍！！　17 不要和我比懒，我懒得和你比。　19 早上长睡不起；晚上视睡如归!　21 女为悦己者容男为悦己者穷！　22 秃驴，敢跟贫道抢师太　23 犯贱是普遍真理，你我只是其中之一　24 唯女人与英语难过也，唯老婆与工作难找也!　25 赚别人的钱，让贫穷见鬼去吧。　26 就算是believe　中间也藏了一个lie　27 钱不是问题，问题是没钱！　30 怀才就像怀孕，时间久了才能让人看出来。　32 今天心情不好我只有四句话想说包括这句和前面的两句我的话说完了　33 人不能在一棵树上吊死，要在附近几棵树上多死几次试试　34 走别人的路,让别人走投无路　35 思想有多远，你就给我滚多远　36 驴是的念来过倒　37 上Google上百度一下。　38 你以为我会眼睁睁地看着你去送死？我会闭上眼睛的。　39 请你以后不要在我面前说英文了，OK？　40 好久没有人把牛皮吹的这么清新脱俗了！　41 一觉醒来，天都黑了。　42 钱可以解决的问题都不是问题。　43 不吃饱哪有力气减肥啊？　44 问君能有几多愁，恰似一群太监上青楼　45 钞票不是万能的，有时还需要信用卡。　46 我允许你走进我的世界，但决不允许你在我的世界里走来走去。　47 人怕出名猪怕壮，男怕没钱女怕胖。　48 珍惜生活――――上帝还让你活着，就肯定有他的安排。　49 工作的最高境界就是看着别人上班，领着别人的工资。　50 爱情就像便便，水一冲就再也回不来了~爱情就像便便，来了之后挡也挡不住~爱情就像便便，每次都一样又不太一样~爱情就像便便，有时努力了很久却只是个屁！　How are you 怎么是你？ How old are you 怎么老是你？　老妈叫我翻译!!!(超强爆笑) ！！！ 今天我正在看碟，老妈又捧了本书进来，说道：给我讲讲这几句话什么意思　老妈：这个“i don’t know“是什么意思？　我说：“我不知道”　老妈：送你上大学上了几年，你怎么什么都不知道！！　我说：不是！就是“我不知道”吗！！　老妈：还嘴硬！！！！$@％!#$^&％#$％@$％@#$％!^％^!^％$^#&(一顿爆揍)　老妈：你在给我说说这个。“i know“是什么意思你该知道吧，给我说说。　我说：是“我知道“　老妈：知道就快说。　我说：就是“我知道“　老妈：找茬呀你？刚才收拾你收拾的轻了是不？　我说：就是我知道呀！　老妈：知道你还不说！！不懂不要装懂！&$％^@$#!％$@^％#$^^^##$％(又一顿爆揍)　老妈：你给我小心点，花那么多钱送你上大学，搞的现在什么都不会，会那么一丁点东西还跟老娘摆谱，再问你最后一个，你给我好好解释一下，说不出来我在收拾你，你给我翻译一下“i know but i don’t want to tell you“是什么意思？　我晕倒，拿起枕头往头上爆砸三十几下，用头撞墙四十多下，双手轮番抽自己嘴巴五十多下，用腿踢桌子角六十多下，血肉模糊之时，我问老妈：这下你满意吧　　这不她老人家又来问我了:“儿啊,i`m very annoyance,don`t tuouble me 是什么意思啊~“　我:“我很烦,别烦我“　老妈:“找打,跟你妈这么说话“(于是被扁)　老妈又问;“i hear nothing,repeat 是what意思啊“　我说:“我没听清,再说一次“　老妈又说了一遍:i hear nothing,repeat“　“我没听清,再说一次“　结果被扁　老妈再问:“what do you say “又怎么解释呢“　我说:“你说什么“(再次被扁)　老妈再问:“look up in the dictionary“是何意啊’　我说:“查字典“　“查字典我还问你做甚“(被扁)　老妈又问:you had better ask some body怎么翻呢“　我说:“你最好问别人“　“你是我儿子,我问别人干吗,又找打“　“啊!god save me !“ “上帝救救我吧!”　“耍你老妈玩,上帝也救不了你!(被扁)　我再问你:“use you head,then think it over,又是什么意思啊!“　我说:“动动脑子,再仔细想想“　“臭小子,还敢耍我“接着又要动手　我连忙说:“是世上只有妈妈好的意思”　“嗯,这还差不多,一会我给你做好吃的,明天再问你”、　A Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for o cents“What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday” “I gave it to a poor old woman,”he answered “You’re a good boy,”said the mother proudly“Here are o cents moreBut why are you so interested in the old woman” “She is the one who sells the candy”　1你让我滚，我滚了。你让我回来，对不起，滚远了

英文幽默笑话Misc Jokes

A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car He later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car

Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40

Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another picture of handcuffs The motorist promptly sent the money for the fine

A woman was reporting her car as stolen, and mentioned that there was a car phone in it The policeman taking the report called the phone and told the guy that answered that he had read the ad in the newspaper and wanted to buy the car They arranged to meet, and the thief was arrested

Drug Possession Defendant Christopher Jansen, on trial in March in Pontiac, Michigan, said he had been searched without a warrant The prosecutor said the officer didn't need a warrant because a "bulge" in Christopher's jacket could have been a gun Nonsense, said Christopher, who happened to be wearing the same jacket that day in court He handed it over so the judge could see it The judge discovered a packet of cocaine in the pocket and laughed so hard he required a five minute recess to compose himself

Oklahoma City:

Dennis Newton was on trial for the armed robbery of a convenience store in a district court when he fired his lawyer Assistant district attorney Larry Jones said Newton, 47, was doing a fair job of defending himself until the store manager testified that Newton was the robber Newton jumped up, accused the woman of lying and then said, "I should of blown your (expletive) head off" The defendant paused, then quickly added, "if I'd been the one that was there"

The jury took 20 minutes to convict Newton and recommended a 30 year sentence

Detroit:

RC Gaitlan, 21 walked up to two patrol officers who were showing their squad car computer equipment to children in a Detroit neighborhood When he asked how the system worked, the officer asked him for identification Gaitlan gave them his drivers license, they entered it into the computer, and moments later they arrested Gaitlan because information on the screen showed Gaitlan was wanted for a two year old armed robbery in St Louis, Missouri

Colorado Springs:

Guy walked into a little corner store with a shot gun and demanded all the cash from the cash drawer After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but he refused and said "Because I don't believe you are over 21" The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because he didn't believe him At this point the robber took his drivers license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk The clerk looked it over, and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put the scotch in the bag The robber then ran from the store with his loot The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license They arrested the robber two hours later

参考资料：

http://wwwwebstorycn

A man goes to church and starts talking to God He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny" and God says "In a second"

一男子进入教堂和上帝对话他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少"上帝回答:"一便士"男子又问:"那一百万年呢"上帝说:"一秒钟"最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗"上帝回答:"过一秒钟"

Four best friends met at the hospital since their wives were giving births to their babies The nurse comes up to the first man and says, "Congratulations, you got twins" The man said "How strange, I'm the manager of Minnesota Twins" After awhile the nurse comes up to the second man and says, "Congratulations, you got triplets" Man was like "Hmmm, strange I worked as a director for the "3 musketeers" Finally, the nurse comes up to the third man and says

"Congratulations, you got twins x2" Man is happy and says, "Ironic, I work for the hotel "4 Seasons" All three of them are happy until they see their last buddy jumping all over the place, cursing God and banging his head on the wall They asked him what's wrong and he answered, "What's wrong I work for 7up"!

四个好朋友在医院里碰面了,他们的妻子正在生产护士过来对第一个男人说:"恭喜,你得了双胞胎"男人说:"多奇怪呀,我是明尼苏达双子队的经理"过了一会儿,护士过来对第二个男人说:"恭喜,你得了三胞胎"男人很喜欢:"嗯,又巧了我是3M公司的董事"最后,护士跑来对第三个男人说:"恭喜,你得了2对双胞胎"男人很开心地说:"真令人啼笑皆非,我为四季宾馆工作"他们三个都很高兴,但第四个伙伴急得像热锅上的蚂蚁,咒骂上帝并用头撞墙他们问他有什么不对劲,他回答道:"什么不对劲我可是在七喜公司工作呀!"

呵呵,一个比一个效率高

Osama Bin Laden, a Canadian, and President Bush were walking down the street when they saw a golden lamp They rubbed it and a genie came out and said, "I will grant each one a wish that’s 3 together" The Canadian said, "I am a father and my son will be a farmer so I want the soil in Canada to be forever fertile" The genie said the magic words and the wish came true Osama looked amazed so he wished for a wall around Afghanistan the genie said the magic words and again the wish came true President Bush said "Genie, tell me more about this wall," the genie said,” It’s 50 feet thick and 500 feet tall so nothing can get in and nothing can get out" President Bush said,” Wow! That’s a big bridgeFill it with water!!!

拉登,一加拿大人还有布什总统走在大街上看到一盏金色的灯他们擦了擦灯出现了一个精灵精灵说:"我要满足你们每人一个愿望总共三个"加拿大人说:"我是个父亲我儿子将成为农夫,因此我想让加拿大的土地永远肥沃"精灵说了咒语愿望实现了拉登看了很惊奇,他希望有座城墙围绕阿富汗精灵又说了咒语愿望又实现了布什总统问:"精灵请告诉我关于这座墙的事情"精灵回答:"墙厚50英尺,高500英尺,因而里面的任何东西出不来外面的任何东西进不去"布什总统说:"哇!那是座大桥耶注满水!!!"

My Baby Swallowed a Bullet

Young Mother: "Doctor, my baby swallowd a bullet What shall I do

Doctor: "Don't point him at anybody"

Notes

1 to swallow a bullet: 吞下一颗子弹

2 to point at: 对瞄准

个中意味自己体会吧 :)

allybaby

Once two hunters went hunting in the forest One of them suddenly fell down by accident He showed the whites of his eyes and seemed to have ceased breathing The other hunter soon took out his mobile phone to call the emergency center for help The operator said calmly:"First, you should make sure that he is already dead" Then the operator heard a gunshot from the other end of the phone and next he heard the hunter asking:"What should I do next"

两个猎人进森林里打猎，其中一个猎人不慎跌倒，两眼翻白，似已停止呼吸。另一个猎人赶紧拿出手机拨通紧急求助电话。接线员沉着地说：“第一步，要先确定你的朋友已经死亡。”于是，接线员在电话里听到一声枪响，然后听到那猎人接着问：“第二步怎办？”

英式幽默英语小笑话

　1、The thief and the judge

　It was Christmas and the judge was in a benevolent mood as he questioned the prisoner "What are you charged with" he asked

　"Doing my christmas shopping early," replied the defendant

　"That's no offense," replied the judge, "How early were you doing this shopping"

　"Before the store opened," countered the prisoner

　法官与小偷

　那天是圣诞节，法官在审讯犯人时也有点恻隐之心。“你为什么而被起诉”他问。

　“采购圣诞节物品过早。”被告答。

　“这不算犯法，”法官回答，“你购物多早”

　在商店开门之前，“犯人应道。

　2、Jesus's Telly

　A child on Christmas time asked for some paper and crayons in order to draw a crib Eventually the artistic masterpiece was displayed for parental approval The manager, the shepherds, Jesus and Holy Family wore duly admired

　"But what's that in the corner" asked Mother

　"Oh, that's their telly," replied the tot

　耶稣的电视机

　圣诞节时孩子要了纸和蜡笔，想画一张耶稣诞生像。最后这件艺术品被陈列出来供父母鉴赏。

　他们对耶稣诞生后睡的马槽，牧羊人，耶稣及其家庭都逐一表示赞赏。

　“可是那个角落里是什么”妈妈问。

　“噢，那是他们的电视机，”孩子回答说。

　3、What does Santa Claus like to do in his garden

　Answer: he likes to hoe, hoe, hoe

　圣诞老人喜欢在花园里做什么

　答案：锄地。(英文里Hoe 和ho同音。hoe是锄草之意，ho则是圣诞老人的笑声。)

　4、On Christmas Eve Santa Claus met an honest politician and a kind lawyer while riding up in an elevator of a very exclusive hotel Just before the doors opened the three of them noticed a 1000NT bill lying on the floor Which one of them do you think picked it up

　Answer: Santa of course! Why Because everybody knows that the other two don’t exist!

　圣诞节前夕，圣诞老人和一清廉的政治人物，以及一心地善良的律师在一家高级饭店一同等电梯，门还未开前，三人同时看到地上有一张新台币1000元的钞票，猜猜谁会将它捡起

　答案：当然是圣诞老人啦!为什么因为大家都知道另外两者并不存在。

　5、Did You Know Him At a dinner party in the home of friends, our host mentioned his highschool alma mater One of the guests asked him if he had been a student there at the same time as a particular vice principal "I sure was!" answered the host "He's the biggest jerk I've ever met Did you know him too" "Sort of," replied the guest "My mother married him last Saturday"

　你认识他吗 在朋友家的一次宴会上，主人提起一位高中时的校友。 一位客人问他读书期间，某位副校长是否也在职。 “当然了，”主人答道。“他是我见过的最大的混蛋。你也认识他吗” “有点认识，”客人回答。“我妈妈上周六嫁给了他。

　6、中间战术Midway Tactics

　Midway Tactics

　Three competing store owners rented adjoining shops in a mall

　Observers waited for mayhem to ensue

　The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying,

　"Gigantic Sale!" and "Super Bargains!"

　The store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming,

　"Prices Slashed!" and "Fantastic Discounts!"

　The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign

　that simply stated, "ENTRANCE"

　中间战术

　三个互相争生意的商店老板在一条商业街上租用了毗邻的店铺。旁观者等着瞧好戏。

　右边的零售商挂起了巨大的招牌，上书：“大减价!”“特便宜!”

　左边的商店挂出了更大的招牌，声称：“大砍价!”“大折扣!”

　中间的商人随后准备了一个大招牌，上面只简单地写着：“入口处”

　7、猪或女巫Pig or Witch

　A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road

　A woman is driving down the same road

　As they pass each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells "PIG!!"

　The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, "WITCH!!"

　They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner,

　he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road

　If only men would listen

　一个男人在一条陡峭狭窄的山路上驾车，一个女人相向驾车而来。

　他们相遇时，那个女的从窗中伸出头来叫到：“猪!!”

　那个男的立即从窗中伸出头来回敬道：“女巫!!”

　他们继续前行。这个男的在下一个路口转弯时，撞上了路中间的一头猪。

　要是这个男的能听懂那个女人的意思就好了。

　8、At a jewelry store, a young man bought an expensive locket as a present for his girlfriend

　"Shall I engrave her name on it" the jeweler asked

　The customer thought for a moment, and then said,

　"No-engrave it 'To my one and only love' That way, if we ever break up, I can use it again"

　在一家珠宝店里，一位年轻人买了一个贵重的小金盒作为送给女友的'礼物。

　“要我把她的名字刻在上面吗”珠宝商问道。

　那名顾客想了一会儿，然后说道：

　“不--在上面刻‘给我唯一的爱’。这样，如果我们闹崩了，我还可以再用到它。”

　9、歌德的容忍

　Goethe's Tolerance

　Goethe was once strolling on a narrow path in a park in Weimar

　As luck would have it, he met with a critic who was hostile to him

　Both of them stopped, staring at each other

　Then the critic said, "I'll never make way for a fool"

　"But I will," with that Goethe retreated aside

　歌德的容忍

　一次，歌德正在魏玛一个公园的一条狭窄小道上散步。

　碰巧他遇见一个对他怀有敌意的评论家。

　两人都停了下来，彼此相互对视。接着评论家说道：“我从来不给傻瓜让路。”

　“可我给。”说完歌德退到了一边。

　10、The Mean Man's Party

　The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party

　Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said,

　"Come up to the fifth floor and ring the doorbell with your elbow

　When the door open, push with your foot"

　"Why use my elbow and foot"

　"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-handed, are you"

　一个声名狼藉的小气鬼终于决定要请一次客了。

　他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说：“你上到五楼，用你的胳膊肘按门铃。

　门开了后，再用你的脚把门推开。”

　“为什么我要用我的肘和脚呢”

　“天哪!” 吝啬鬼回答，“你总不会空着手来吧”

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哲理幽默小笑话

　哲理幽默小笑话，有些小故事直接抖响了“包袱”，激发出你的笑声;总是有些时候莫名其妙的不开心，心情不佳的时候就会办什么都不在状态，下面看哲理幽默小笑话及相关资料。

哲理幽默小笑话1

　 有哲理的小笑话短篇一：

　1、女生公开投票选班花，相貌平平的小梅发表演说：如果我当选，再过几年，在座的姐妹可以向自己先生骄傲的说，我上大学时，比班花还漂亮!结果，她全票当选!

　感悟：说服别人支持你，不一定要证明比别人都优秀，而是要让别人觉得，因为有你，他们才变得更优秀、更有成就感

　2、在高速行驶的火车上，一个老人不小心把刚买的新鞋从窗口掉了一只，周围的人倍感惋惜，不料老人立即把第二只鞋也从窗口扔了下去。这个举动让人大吃一惊。老人解释说：这一只鞋无论多么昂贵，对我而言已经没有用了，如果有谁能捡到一双鞋子，说不定他还能穿呢!

　感悟：注定无法挽回的痛苦，不如早点放弃

　3、两只老虎，一只在笼子里，一只在荒野中。两只老虎都认为自己所处的环境不好，互相羡慕对方。它们决定交换身份，开始时，十分快乐。但不久，两只老虎都死了：一只饥饿而死，一只忧郁而死

　感悟：有时，人们对自己的幸福熟视无睹，总是把眼睛看向别人的幸福。其实，你所拥有的正是别人所欣羡的

　 有哲理的小笑话短篇二：

　1、

　小男孩问爸爸："是不是做父亲的总比做儿子的知道得多"

　爸爸回答："当然啦!"

　"电灯是谁发明的"

　"爱迪生。"

　"那爱迪生的爸爸怎么没有发明电灯"

　权威往往只是一个经不起考验的空壳子，尤其在现今这个多元开放的时代。

　2、

　小明洗澡时不小心吞下一小块肥皂，他的妈妈慌慌张张地打电话给家庭医生求助。

　医生说："我现在还有几个病人在，可能要半小时后才能赶过去。"

　小明妈妈说："在你来之前，我该做什么"

　医生说："给小明喝一杯白开水，然后用力跳一跳，你就可以让小明用嘴巴吹泡泡消磨时间了。"

　事情既然已经发生了，何不坦然自在地面对。担心不如宽心，穷紧张不如穷开心。

　3、

　有两个台湾观光团到rib伊豆半岛旅游，路况很坏，到处都是坑洞。

　一位导游连声说路面简直像麻子一样。

　而另一个导游却诗意盎然地对游客说："我们现在走的正是赫赫有名的伊豆迷人酒窝大道。"

　虽是同样的情况，然而不同的意念，就会产生不同的态度。思想是何等奇妙的事，如何去想，决定权在你。

　4、

　同样是小学三年级的学生，他们将来的志愿同是当小丑。

　中国老师斥之为："胸无大志，孺子不可教也!"

　外国老师则会说："愿你把欢笑带给全世界!"

　身为长辈的我们，不但要求多于鼓励，更以狭窄界定了成功的定义。

　5、

　妻子正在厨房炒菜。

　丈夫在她旁边一直唠叨不停："慢些、小心!火太大了。赶快把鱼翻过来、油放太多了!"

　妻子脱口而出："我懂得怎样炒菜。"

　丈夫平静地答道："我只是要让你知道，我在开车时，你在旁边喋喋不休，我的感觉如何、、、、、、"

　学会体谅他人并不困难，只要你愿意认真地站在对方的角度和立场看问题。

　6、

　一辆载满乘客的公共汽车，沿着下坡路快速前进着，有一个人在后面紧紧追赶着这辆车子。

　一个乘客从车窗中伸出头来对追车子的人说："老兄!算啦，你追不上的!"

　"我必须追上它，"这人气喘吁吁地说："我是这辆车的司机!"

　有些人必须非常认真努力，因为不这样的话，后果就十分悲惨了!然而也正因为必须全力以赴，潜在的本能和不为人知的特质终将充分展现出来。

　7、

　甲："新搬来的邻居好可恶，昨天晚上三更半夜跑来猛按我家的门铃。"

　乙："的确可恶!你有没有马上报警"

　甲："没有。我当他们是疯子，继续吹我的小喇叭。"

　事出必有因，如果能先看到自己的不是，答案就会不一样。

　8、

　张三在山间小路开车，正当他悠哉地欣赏美丽风景时，突然迎面开来的货车司机摇下窗户大喊一声："猪!"

　张三越想越气，也摇下车窗大骂："你才是猪!"

　刚骂完，他便迎头撞上一群过马路的猪。

　不要错误地诠释别人的好意，那只会让自己吃亏，并且使别人受辱。

　9、

　父子二人看到一辆十分豪华的进口轿车。

　儿子不屑地对他的父亲说："坐这种车的人，肚子里一定没有学问!"

　父亲则轻描淡写地回答："说这种话的人，口袋里一定没有钱!"

　你对事情的看法，是不是也反映出你内心真正的态度

　10、

　晚饭后，母亲和女儿一块儿洗碗盘，父亲和儿子在客厅看电视。

　突然，厨房里传来打破盘子的响声，然后一片。

　儿子望着他父亲，说道："一定是妈妈打破的。"

　"你怎么知道"

　"她没有骂人。"

　我们习惯以不同的标准来看人看己，以致往往是责人以严，待己以宽。

哲理幽默小笑话2

　1、我就像一只趴在玻璃上的苍蝇，前途一片光明，而我却找不到出路。

　2、挤在北京，给首都添麻烦了……

　3、心中充满爱，看天下美女都是情人。

　4、台湾一日不收复，我一日不过4级!

　5、啊哦厄依乌迂波坡摸佛得特呢勒哥科喝机奇西知吃尸日资雌思

　6、好好活着，因为我们会死很久很久……

　7、如果你看到面前的阴影，别怕，那是因为你的背后有阳光。

　8、狂欢是一群人的孤单……

　9、上帝给了我们七情六欲，我们却把它们变成了色情和暴力。

　10、帅有个屁用!到头来还不是被卒吃掉!

　11、让房价涨的再猛烈一些吧!

　12、谁能对偶的感情就像对人民币一样忠诚

　13、流血了……会不会很疼

　14、他们说我是BT，让我去做CT，结果我是ET。

　15、做一个徘徊在牛A和牛C之间的人。

　16、白天瞎JB忙，晚上JB瞎忙。

　17、我爱你，并不是因为你是谁，而是在你面前时，我是谁!

　18、一定是我的帅害S了我!

　19、生是她的人，死是她的吉祥物。

　20、如果太阳不出来了，我就不去上班了;如果出来了，我就继续睡觉!

　21、老子误吃了一瓶“乌鸡白凤丸”。这下可好，每个月都要流几天的鼻血。

　22、瞎子点灯，或许不是一种愚蠢，亦或是一种智慧，甚至气度……

　23、24K纯爷们!纯的!

　24、你真是个地道的美人啊。就是说你只有在地道里才算美人，因为地道里没灯。

　25、蹲在厕所里，想着500万……

　26、写什么写，就是写了你会信么什么你真信，你怎么那么幼稚啊!

　27、早知道前世的五百次回眸，能换来今生的与你相遇。我就该把头甩断，来换这一辈子与你相遇。

　28、彪悍的人生不需要解释。

　29、我的爱人都叫我第三者!

　30、天啦，我的衣服又瘦了!

　31、青春就像卫生纸。看着挺多的，用着用着就不够了。

　32、我一发怒，冬天就到了;冬天一发怒，我就变成秋裤男了。

　33、爷爷都是从孙子走过来的……

哲理幽默小笑话3

　有些人感慨：“自己岁数不小了，还没有成熟起来。”其实你们已经成熟起来了，你们成熟起来就这样。

　只有拥有找男女朋友的能力和很多备胎，才能真正享受单身生活。

　女生们宁肯做高帅富的备胎，也不肯接受屌丝的行为，从基因上保证了人类的进步。

　Loser面对生活比自己好的人，心中生出了怨恨。

　我去找心理医生看抑郁症。他听完我的陈述，说道：如果你说的都真的话，为什么你不去自杀呢你这不是抑郁症;抑郁症是看事情悲观，本来好，却认为不行。你是本来就过得不如别人。

　很多人发现自己在钱权女人的问题上比不过别人，于是开始试着在道德和人生境界上做文章。

　碰到一个认识的人，想一起聊聊天。她说自己去香港和希腊玩了，又买了苹果和化妆品;我不知道怎么回应，因为我很久没有出去玩和买东西了。我又说我最近思考了人为什么活着和出身的问题，她也沉默，因为很久没有思考这样的问题。此后再也无话。

　我追逐自己的梦想，别人说我幼稚可笑，但我坚持了下来。最后发现，原来还真是我以前幼稚可笑。

　你年轻时一事无成;时而自怨自艾颓废堕落，时而咬紧牙关拼命努力，经营关系，但你的生活一直没有改善，你一直很痛苦，直到三十岁。”他听后兴奋地问：那三十岁之后呢有转机吗算命先生微微抬起头：三十岁后……你就开始习惯了。

问题一：冷笑话的英文怎样表达？ 烂GET

问题二：英文里“冷幽默”或者“冷笑话”这词怎么说 10分 如果带有讽刺意义的，可以说是black humour 黑色幽默

如果只是不搞笑的冷笑话伐有很多种表达方式，unfunny jokes，cold jokes，

bad jokes, stupid jokes都可以用来形容冷笑话

问题三：“冷笑话”用英语怎么说 同上，不过用chinese English也可以说成：cold joke

问题四：冷笑话 用英文怎么说 冷笑话

[名] sick joke; cold jest;

[例句]她厌烦了她丈夫的冷笑话。

She is tired of her hu and's stock jokes

问题五：冷笑话的英文怎样翻译呀！谢谢 sick joke;cold jest

那是冷笑话吗？Is that some kind of sick joke

望采纳~~

问题六：冷笑话的英文是什么 cold joke

dry humor

问题七：英语冷笑话大全 带翻译 15分 1、Q: What's the difference between an iceberg and a clothes brush

冰山和衣刷之间有什么区别？

A: One crushes boats and the other brushes coats!

一个 撞 船 一个 刷 大衣！(单词的拼写造成的JOKE）

2、white man：are you Black

black man：no,i'm White

He Won

Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny Johnny: He is ill in bed He hurt himself

Tommy: That's too bad How did that happen

Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won

他赢了

汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？

约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。

汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？

约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。

I Have His Ear in My Pocket

Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, What happened

A kid bit me, replied Ivan

Would you recognize him if you saw him again asked his mother

I'd know him any where, said Ivan I have his ear in my pocket

他的耳朵在我衣兜里

伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？”

“一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。

“再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。

“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。”

A Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday

I gave it to a poor old woman, he answered

You're a good boy, said the mother proudly Here are two cents more But why are you so interested in the old woman

She is the one who sells the candy

好孩子

小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。

“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”

“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”

“她是个卖糖果的。”

Drunk

One day>>

　下面是我整理的 英语笑话 幽默，希望对大家有帮助。

　英语笑话幽默：我妹妹的手指头

　Teacher: Kevin, why are you late this time

　Kevin: Please sir, I bruised two fingers knocking in a nail at home

　Teacher: I don't see any bandages

　Kevin: Oh, they weren't my fingers! I told my little sister to hold the nail

　老师：凯温，这次你怎么又迟到了

　凯温：对不起，老师，我在家钉钉子，砸坏了两个手指头。

　老师：怎么没有扎绷带呀

　凯温：噢，砸的不是我的手指头，我叫小妹妹扶着钉子的。

　英语笑话幽默：新西兰的气候

　The Climate of New Zealand

　Teacher: Matthew, what is the climate of New Zealand

　Matthew: Very Cold, sir

　Teacher: Wrong

　Matthew: But, sir! When they send us meat it always arrives frozen!

　老师：马修，新西兰的气候怎么样

　马修：先生，那里的天气很冷。

　老师：错了。

　马修：可是，先生!从那儿运来的猪肉都冻得硬邦邦的。

　英语笑话幽默：Good news or Bad news

　An artist was part of an exhibition, and he asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings that were currently on display

　"I've got good news and bad news," the owner replied

　"Give me the good news first," the artist demanded

　"The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings"

　"That's wonderful!" the artist exclaimed, "What could the bad news possibly be"

　With concern, the gallery owner replied, "The gentleman in question was your doctor"

　以为艺术家在一个画廊办了个展览，他问店主是否有人对他参展的画感兴趣。

　“我有一个好消息和一个坏消息。”店主回答。

　“先告诉我好消息。”画家要求道。

　“好消息是一位绅士询问了你的作品，还问它是否会在你死后增。我告诉他会的，然后他买下了你所有的15幅画作。”

　“那太棒了!”画家惊叹。“那么什么会是坏消息呢”

　店主想了想之后说：“问那个问题的是你的医生”。

　英语笑话幽默：I don't think I know

　Teacher: "John, what is the past participle of the verb to ring"

　John: "What do you think it is, sir"

　Teacher: "I don't think, I KNOW!"

　John: "I don't think I know either, sir!"

　老师：“John，动词ring的过去分词是什么”。

　约翰：“你想它是什么呢”

　老师：“我不用想，我知道!”。

　约翰：“我想我不知道”。

　英语笑话幽默：A Girl's Name 女孩的名字

　When our daughter was born, we named her Myles, after my beloved late(已故的) father, despite family warning that the name was too masculine(男性的)

　Years later, when I felt she was old enough to understand, I explained to Myles, Your name is very special I named you after my own father because I loved him very much I know he would be proud of you

　Myles thought carefully about this and then said, I know all that, Mom But I don't understand why my grandfather had a girl's name

　女儿出生时，我们给她取名叫迈尔斯，和我深爱的业已过世的父亲同一个名字，不过家人提醒这个名字太男性化了。

　几年以后，我觉得迈尔斯已经长大，能够懂事了。我对她解释说：你的名字很特别。我给你取了一个和我爸爸一样的名字，因为我非常爱他。我相信他会为你而深感自豪的。

　迈尔斯很仔细地想了一下，然后说道：这些我都懂，妈妈。可是我不知道外公为什么会有一个女孩子的名字。

　英语笑话幽默：电脑问题

　I had been doing Tech Support for Hewlett-Packard's DeskJet division for about a month when I had a customer call with a problem I just couldn't solve She could not print yellow All the other colors would print fine, which truly baffled me because the only true colors are cyan, magenta, and yellow I had the customer change ink cartridges，delete and reinstall the drivers Nothing worked I asked my coworkers for help; they offered no new ideas After over two hours of troubleshooting, I was about to tell the customer to send the printer in to us for repair when she asked quietly, "Should I try printing on a piece of white paper instead of yellow paper"

　我在惠普公司打印机部做技术支持工作已经有一个月了，有一天我接到一位客户的电话，她的问题我没办法解决。她的问题是：打印机不能打出来**，但是 其它 颜色都正常。这让我觉得很纳闷，因为三原色就是蓝、红、黄。我建议客户更换墨盒、删了驱动程序然后重新安装，但是都没有效果。我咨询同事们，他们也不知道该怎么办。经过两个多小时的交涉，我打算让客户把打印机寄给我们，这时候她平静地说了一句：“我是不是应该把这张黄纸扔了换一张白纸再打印试试。”

　英语笑话幽默：精神病医生

　Jerry went to a psychiatrist "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it I'm going crazy!" "Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the shrink "Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears" "How much do you charge" "A hundred dollars per visit" "I'll sleep on it," said Jerry Six months later the doctor met Jerry on the street "Why didn't you ever come to see me again" asked the psychiatrist "For a hundred bucks a visit The bartender cured me for $10" "Is that so! How" "He told me to cut the legs off the bed! Ain't nobody under there now!"

　杰瑞去看精神病医生。“医生，我有些不对劲。每次睡觉的时候，我都感觉有人在床下。我要疯了!”“给我一年时间，”医生说，“每周来三次，我会治好你。”“费用是多少呢”“每次一百美元。”“我会认真考虑的。”杰瑞答道。六个月后医生和杰瑞在街上相遇了，“为什么你再也没来呢”医生问。“一次一百块钱吗有个酒吧服务生收了十块钱就把我治好了。”“真的他怎么做到的”“他让我把床腿锯掉。现在那没人了!”

　英语笑话幽默：死后重生

　"Do you believe in life after death" the boss asked one of his employees "Yes, Sir" the new recruit replied"Well, then, that makes everything just fine," the boss went on "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you

　“你相信人能死后重生吗”老板问他的一个员工。 “我相信，先生”。这位刚上班不久的员工回答。 “哦，那还好”。老板接着说。 “你昨天提早下班去参加你祖母的葬礼后，她老人家到这儿看你来了。”

　英语笑话幽默：他什么都没听到

　Working at the post office, I'm used to dealing with a moody public So when one irate customer stormed my desk, I responded in my calmest voice, "What's the trouble" "I went out this morning," she began, "and when I came home I found a card saying the mailman tried to deliver a package but no one was home My husband was in all morning He never heard a thing!" After apologizing, I got her parcel "Oh, good," she gushed "We've been waiting for this for ages" "What is it" I asked "My husband's new hearing aid"

　我在邮局上班，对于顾客们的各种情绪早已习以为常了。所以，有一天当一个生气的顾客气冲冲地来到我的工作台时，我还是非常平静地问她，“有什么问题吗”“我早上上街了，”女顾客说，“我回到家的时候，我看到一个卡片，卡片说邮递员要给我们家送包裹，但没人在家。可是我的丈夫整个早上都在家啊。他说他什么都没听到”。在表示了歉意之后，我把包裹给了她。“噢，太好了”，那位女顾客喜形于色。“我们等这东西都等多少年了!”“是什么好东西”我问。“我丈夫的新助听器”。

　英语笑话幽默：有效

　Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it So Tom went to his doctor, the doctor gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed Tom slept well, and in fact, beat the alarm in the morning He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work "Boss", he said, "The pill actually worked!" "That's all fine" said the boss, "But where were you yesterday"

　汤姆早上老起不来，所以上班总是迟到。他的老板非常生气，警告他如果他不能有所改善的话就炒他的鱿鱼。于是，汤姆去看医生，医生给了他一颗药丸并告诉他要在睡觉前服下这颗药。汤姆照医生的话做了，睡得非常之好，事实上，他在早上闹钟响之前就起来了。汤姆从容不迫地吃完早餐，然后兴高采烈地开车上班去了。 “老板”，汤姆说，“那药真管用，我的睡眠好极了!” “是够管用的，”老板说，“问题是，昨天你人哪去了”

　英语笑话幽默：两个笨贼

　Two robbers were robbing a hotel The first robber said, "I hear sirens Jump!" The second one said, "But we're on the 13 th floor!" The first one screamed back, "This is no time to be superstitious!"

　两个盗贼在一家旅馆偷东西。第一个说：“我听到警报响了，快跳吧!” 第二个说：“但是我们现在在第13层啊!” 第一个尖叫着回敬他：“都什么时候了，还这么迷信!”

　英语笑话幽默：结婚的花费

　A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married"

　小男孩问他的父亲：“爸爸，结婚要花多少钱”

　His father replied, "I don't know, son, because I'm still paying for it now"

　他的父亲回答说：“儿子，我不知道，因为我现在还在为它付账呢。”