英文短笑话

1、Teacher: whoever answers my next question, can go home

老师：谁能回到我下一个问题，谁就可以回家了。

One boy throws his bag out the window

一个小男孩把书包扔到窗外。

Teacher: who just threw that!

老师：谁刚刚把书包扔出去了

Boy: Me! I’m going home now

男孩：我!我现在要回家了。

2、What dog can jump higher than a building

什么狗比大楼跳的还高

Anydog, buildings can't jump!

任何一只狗，大楼又跳不起来。

3、What has a head, a tail, and no body

什么有头、有尾，但是没有身体

A coin!

硬币。

4、What has one eye but cannot see

什么有一只眼睛，却看不见

A needle

针。

5、Wife: "How would you describe me"

妻子：你会怎么形容我呢

Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK"

丈夫：ABCDEFGHIJK

Wife: "What does that mean"

妻子：那是什么意思

Husband: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot"

丈夫：迷人的、魅力的、可爱的、令人愉悦的、优雅的、时髦的、漂亮的和火辣的。

Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK"

妻子：哇，谢谢，但是“IJK”是什么意思呢

Husband: "I'm just kidding!"

丈夫：开个玩笑!

6、Boy: Is this seat empty

男孩：这个座位是空的么？

Girl: Yes and this one will be if you sit down

女孩：是的，如果你坐下，我的座位也将是空的。

7、My little dog can't read

我的狗不识字 

Mrs Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!

布朗夫人：哦，亲爱的，我把珍爱的小狗给丢了！

Mrs Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!

史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登广告啊！

Mrs Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read

布朗夫人：没有用的，我的小狗不认识字。”

8、My Wife Will Exchange Them

反正我太太明天会来换的

A gentleman walks into a store and asked for a pair of gloves

一位先生走进一家商店要买副手套。

″Cloth or leather﹖″ asked the salesperson

“您是要布的还是皮的？”售货员问。

″Makes no difference ″replied customer

“没什么区别。”这位顾客回答。

″What color﹖″ asked the clerk

“那您要什么颜色的呢？”售货员又问。

″Any″ he responded

“什么颜色都成。”他回答。

″Size﹖″

“号码呢？”

″Give me whatever you prefer″ the gentleman said slightly exasperated ″My wife will be back tomorrow to exchange them″

“您就随便给我拿一副吧，”这位顾客有点不耐烦了，“反正我太太明天都会来换的。”

The mean man's party

The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow When the door open, push with your foot"

"Why use my elbow and foot"

"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-hangded, are you吝啬鬼请客

一个出了名的吝啬鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说：“你上到五楼，找中间那个门，然后用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了之后，再用你的脚把门推开。”

“为什么要用我的肘和脚呢？”

“你的双手得拿礼物啊。天哪，你总不会空着手来吧？”吝啬鬼回答。

I think that I'm a chicken

Psychiatrist: What's your problem

Patient: I think I'm a chicken

Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on

Patient: Ever since I was an egg!

精神病医师：你哪里不舒服？

病人：我认为我是一只鸡。

精神病医师：这种情况从什么时候开始的？

病人：从我还是一只蛋的时候开始。

Who Is the Laziest

Father: Well, Tom, I asked to your teacher today, and now I want to ask you a question Who is the laziest person in your class

Tom: I don't know, father

Father: Oh, yes, you do! Think! When other boys and girls are doing and writing, who sits in the class and only watches how other people work

Tom: Our teacher, father

中文：

父亲：哎，汤姆，今天我跟你们老师谈过，现在我想问你个问题。你们班上谁最懒？

汤姆：我不知道，爸爸。

父亲：啊，不对，你知道！想想看，当别的孩子们都在做作业、写字时，谁在课堂上坐着，只是看人家做功课？

汤姆：我们老师，爸爸。

Old Farmer Johnson was dying The family was standing around his bed With a low voice he said to his wife: "When I'm dead I want you to marry farmer Jones"

Wife: "No, I can't marry anyone after you"

Johnson: "But I want you to"

Wife: "But why"

Johnson: "Jones once cheated me in a horse deal!"

译文：

老农约翰逊就要死了。他的家人都站在床边。他声音低沉地对妻子说：“我死后，我想你嫁给农夫琼斯。”

妻子说：“不，在你死后，我不能嫁给任何人。”

约翰逊：“但我希望你这么做。”

妻子：“为什么？”

约翰逊：“因为琼斯曾在一笔贩马的交易中欺骗了我。”