谁能给我一些笑话（最好英语）中文也行

The Speeding Ticket

A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding

Officer: May I see your driver's license

Driver: I don't have one I had it suspended when I got my fifth DUI

Officer: Can I see the registration for this vehicle

Driver: Oh, it's not my car I stole it

Officer: The car is stolen

Driver: Yeah Oh, but come to think of it, I think I saw the registration in the glove compartment when I was putting my gun in there

Officer: You have a gun in there

Driver: Yes sir That's where I put it after I shot the lady who owns the car She's in the trunk

Officer: There's a BODY in the trunk!

The officer tells the man to hold on, backs off carefully, and calls for backup Quickly, the car is surrounded by police, and the captain approaches the driver to handle the situation

Captain: Sir, can I see your license

Driver: Sure, Officer

Captain: Hmm, this license is just fine Whose car is this

Driver: It's mine, officer Here's the registration

Captain: Could you slowly open the glove compartment, please, so I can see if there's a gun in there

Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it

He opens it, and sure enough, there's no gun

Captain: Would you mind if we opened the trunk I was told you said there's a body in there

Driver: No problem

The trunk is opened, nothing in there but a spare tire

Captain: The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glove compartment, and that there was a dead body in the trunk

Driver: Yeah, I'll bet he told you I was speeding, too!

Best Way

Mary loved Tom, but she worried about all the money he squandered when they went out together "How can I stop Tom from spending so much money on me"She asked her mother

"Marry him!"

Dating for Mother

When the young waitress in the café in Tom's building started waving hello everyday Tom was flattered, for she was at least 15 years younger than he
One day she waved and beckoned to Tom again When Tom strolled over, she asked, "Are you single"

"Why, yes," Tom replied, smiling at her broadly

"So is my mom," she said "Would you like to meet her"

A New Drug 一种新药

Jack:I have invented a new drug which could kill lice effectively
Tom:That's wonderful How is it used

Jack:When you catch a louse, just put a little of that drug on its mouth and it will die immediately