英文笑话小短文

　　笑话是内容丰富并具有出乎意料结尾的幽默口头 故事 。笑话几乎涵盖人们生活的所有领域,其中包括政治笑话、经济笑话、家庭生活笑话、关于民族性格的笑话等。 下面是我带来的经典 英语笑话 阅读，欢迎阅读!

　　经典英语笑话阅读篇一

　泡泡温泉(双语阅读)

　a:tom,look at your shoeshow dirty they are! you must clear hem

　汤姆，看看你的鞋子，多脏呀，你必须洗一洗了。

　b:ohmother,but i cleaned them only yesterday

　噢，妈妈，可我昨天才洗过的。

　a:but they are dirty nowyou must clean them again

　可现在它们又脏了，你再洗一次吧。

　b:i don't want to clean them today even if i clean them today,they will be dirty again tomorrow

　我今天不想洗，我即使今天把鞋洗了，明天还会脏的。

　a:ok,don't clean them then

　好吧，那就别洗了。

　(ln the evening tom came back from schoolhe was very hungry

　晚上汤姆放学回到家，他非常饿。)

经典英语笑话阅读篇二

　喂养宠物(双语阅读)

　Birds in their little nests agree

　鸟在巢中不相争。

　A small child was giving a bath to a tiny and dirty kitten in the gar-den while an ojd lady passing by

　一个小男孩在花园里给一只身上很脏的小花猫洗澡，正在这时，一个上了年纪的女士从旁边经过。

　A:Sonnyyou shouldn't bathe a kitty in cold waLerHe will get sick and die

　小家伙，你不应该在凉水中给小猫洗澡，他会生病,甚至会死。

　(The child go on with his jobbarely liatening to herTwo houra Wer,the lacjy was retumiWg when ahe saw the boy sittinS on the ground and cringwith the dead kitten lying beaide him

　可是，小男孩继续给小猫洗澡，几乎对那位女士置之不理。两小时以后，那位女士返回时看见那个小男孩坐在地上哭泣，小猫躺在他的身旁，死了。)

　B:Didn't I tell you sonnythat the kitty would die if you washed him in the cold water

　小家伙，我不是告诉休了吗如果在凉水中给小猫洗澡，他会死的。

　A:But Auntie he didn't die because I waahed him; he died when I was wrinpng him dry

　可是，阿姨，他不是因为我给它洗澡死的，当我把他拧于时，他就死了。

经典英语笑话阅读篇三

　戒除烟瘾(双语阅读)

　Health is not valued till sickness comes

　生病才知健康好。

　A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sum of money was talking to his lawyer

　一个被告卷入了一桩牵涉大笔资金的诉讼案，他去找他的律师。

　A:If I lose this case, I'll be ruined

　如果我输了这场官司，我就完了。

　B:It's in the judge's hand now

　这事掌握在法官的手上。

　A:Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars

　如果我给法官送一箱雪茄，会不会起点作用

　B:Ohno !This judge is a stickler for ethical behaviorA turu like that would prejudice him against you He might even hald you in contempt of coun in factyou shouldn't even smile ai the judge

　哦不会的!这位法官很固执，非常注意职业道德。这种花招只会让他对你产生偏见，他甚至会认为你蔑视法庭。事实上，你甚至都不用对他微笑。

　With in the course of time,the judge wndered a decision in favor of the defendantAs the defendanL leR the counhouae,

　最后，法官作了一个有利于被告的判决，当被告离开法院时。

　A:Thanks for the tip about the cigarsIt worked

　谢谢你关于雪茄的忠告，这很多管用。

　B:I'm sure we wodd have lost the caae if you'd sent them

　如果你送了的话，我肯定休会输掉这场官司。

　A:But did send them

　但是我的确送了。

　B:What You did!

　什么你送了!

　A:YesThat's how we won the case

　对，这就是我们会赢这场官司的原因。

　B:I don't understand

　我不明白。

　A:It's easyI sent the cigars to the judge,but enclosed the plaintiff's business card

　这很简单，我把雪茄送到了{去官那里，但是附上了原告的一张名片。

1、Teacher: whoever answers my next question, can go home

老师：谁能回到我下一个问题，谁就可以回家了。

One boy throws his bag out the window

一个小男孩把书包扔到窗外。

Teacher: who just threw that!

老师：谁刚刚把书包扔出去了

Boy: Me! I’m going home now

男孩：我!我现在要回家了。

2、What dog can jump higher than a building

什么狗比大楼跳的还高

Anydog, buildings can't jump!

任何一只狗，大楼又跳不起来。

3、What has a head, a tail, and no body

什么有头、有尾，但是没有身体

A coin!

硬币。

4、What has one eye but cannot see

什么有一只眼睛，却看不见

A needle

针。

5、Wife: "How would you describe me"

妻子：你会怎么形容我呢

Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK"

丈夫：ABCDEFGHIJK

Wife: "What does that mean"

妻子：那是什么意思

Husband: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot"

丈夫：迷人的、魅力的、可爱的、令人愉悦的、优雅的、时髦的、漂亮的和火辣的。

Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK"

妻子：哇，谢谢，但是“IJK”是什么意思呢

Husband: "I'm just kidding!"

丈夫：开个玩笑!

6、Boy: Is this seat empty

男孩：这个座位是空的么？

Girl: Yes and this one will be if you sit down

女孩：是的，如果你坐下，我的座位也将是空的。

7、My little dog can't read

我的狗不识字 

Mrs Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!

布朗夫人：哦，亲爱的，我把珍爱的小狗给丢了！

Mrs Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!

史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登广告啊！

Mrs Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read

布朗夫人：没有用的，我的小狗不认识字。”

8、My Wife Will Exchange Them

反正我太太明天会来换的

A gentleman walks into a store and asked for a pair of gloves

一位先生走进一家商店要买副手套。

″Cloth or leather﹖″ asked the salesperson

“您是要布的还是皮的？”售货员问。

″Makes no difference ″replied customer

“没什么区别。”这位顾客回答。

″What color﹖″ asked the clerk

“那您要什么颜色的呢？”售货员又问。

″Any″ he responded

“什么颜色都成。”他回答。

″Size﹖″

“号码呢？”

″Give me whatever you prefer″ the gentleman said slightly exasperated ″My wife will be back tomorrow to exchange them″

“您就随便给我拿一副吧，”这位顾客有点不耐烦了，“反正我太太明天都会来换的。”

　英语笑话是指以一句英文短语或一个英文故事让说话者和听者之间觉得好笑,或是产生幽默感,笑话是一种经过艺术加工的语言形式,是艺术化的语言,笑话是一种艺术方法。下面是我整理的英语爆笑笑话，欢迎大家阅读!

　英语笑话一：

　我要做的一切就是付钱!All I do is pay

　"My family is just like a nation," Mr Brown told his colleague "My

　wife is the minister of finance, my mother-in-law is the minister of war,

　and my daughter is foreign secretary"

　"Sounds interesting, " his colleague replied "And what is your

　position"

　"I’m the people All I do is pay"

　布朗先生告诉同事说：“我的家简直就象一个国家一样。我妻子

　是财政部长。我岳母是作战部长，我女儿是外交秘书。”

　“听上去挺有意思的，”他的同事说，“那你的职务是什么呢”

　“我就是老百姓。我要做的一切就是付钱。”

　英语笑话二：

　喂狗 For the Dog

　The family seated in a restaurant had finished their dinner when Father Called over the waiter

　"My son has left quite a lot of meat on his plate," explained Father, "Could you give me a bag so that I can take it home for the dog"

　"Gosh, Dad!" exclaimed the excited boy "Have we got a dog then"

　一家人在饭馆里吃过晚饭，父亲把服务生叫了过来。

　”先生，什么事“服务生问。

　”我儿子的盘子里剩下许多肉，“父亲说，”能给我们一个袋子吗我把剩下的东西带回去喂狗。“

　”啊呀，爸爸!“儿子激动地叫喊着。”咱家养狗了吗“

　英语笑话三：

　脑移植 A Brain Transplant

　The Brain Surgeon was about to perform a brain transplant

　"You have your choice of two brains," he told the patient, "For $1000 you can have the brain of a psychologist, or for $10,000 you can have the brain of a politician"

　The patient was amazed at the huge difference in price "Is the brain of a politician that much better" he asked

　The Brain Surgeon replied, "No, it’s not better, just unused"

　一个外科医生正要作一个脑移植手术。

　“你可以从两个脑子中选一个给你。”医生告诉病人，“一个心理学家的大脑1000美元，一个政治家的大脑10000美元。

　病人很惊讶二者之间这样大的差别，“政治家的大脑好一些吗”他问。

　医生说：“不是好一些，只是没有用过。”

　英语笑话四：

　不是我的错

　It's not my fault

　Mother (reprimanding训斥，谴责 her small daughter): You mustn't pull the cat's tail

　Daughter: I'm only holding it, Mom The cat's doing the pulling

　不是我的错

　妈妈(正教训她的女儿)：你不该拽猫的尾巴。

　女儿：妈，我只是握着猫尾巴，它自己在拽。

　英语笑话五：

　Coins in American Currency 美国的硬币

　There are 100 cents in a dollar Coins come in the following denominations: $01 or 1 cent (a penny,a cent, one cent), $05 or 5 cents (a nickel, five cents),$1 or 10 cents (a dime, ten cents), $25 or 25 cents(a quarter, two bits, twenty-five cents), and $50 or50 cents (a fifty-cent piece)

　Coins are called "change", "small change", or"silver" though they aren’t made of silver anymore

　Coins are generally recognized by their size, butsomebody "goofed" on the dime, which is smaller than either a nickel or a penny All the others are in size order

　One more word for you: don’t hold out your hand with either bills or coins and expect someone to take the correct change from you That cannot be done in any Western country一美元中有一百美分。硬币是按下列币值铸造的：一美分，五美分，十美分，二十五美分，五十美分。

　硬币也叫"零钱"，"小钱"，或"银币"，虽然它们不再是用银子铸成的。总的说来，硬币是通过大小来识别的，但总有人把十美分搞错，它比五美分和一美分都要小。其他的都按币值的大小顺序排列。

　还有一点要说明：你不能伸出手，托出一把纸币和硬币而希望别人从你那里拿走数目正确的零钱。这在任何西方国家都是不好的。

　英语笑话六：

　Now We Run 现在我们跑吧

　A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach After watching the boy’s efforts for some time, the priest moves closer to the boy’s position He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow, places his hand kindly on the child’s shoulder and gives the doorbell a sold ring Crouching down to the child’s level, the priest smiles and asks, "And now what, my little man" The boy replies, "Now we run!"

　一个牧师正沿着街走路，这时他看到街对面有个小男孩正试图按一所房子的门铃。但这个小孩太小了，门铃又高，他够不着。看到那个小男孩费了很多劲，牧师走近了他。牧师优雅地穿过马路，走到小家伙的背后，轻轻地把手放在小男孩肩头，按响了门铃。他弯下身子，微笑着问道：“接下来怎么办，孩子”小男孩回答说：“接下来我们跑。”

男孩英文为：boy。

英语音系学是指对英语音系（亦即声音系统）的研究。正如所有语言，无论考虑历史与否，英语口语的发音因不同方言而异。

这种变异在英语特别明显，因为它在广泛地区使用，是澳大利亚、加拿大、美国、爱尔兰、新西兰、英国和加勒比海英语国家等国的主要语言，在世上每一个州都有人以之为母语或第二语言。

英语并没有决定性和国际承认的标准，所以不同国家的英语有时可能妨碍沟通。虽然如此，不同地区的英语口音仍能互相理解。